#it is sad due to their miscommunication and the lost love between them

[bloomingsalma]

okay... so I get why I was hesitating to watch soulmate (2023)

[llycaons]

postcanon jc being miserable and lonely is genuinely tragic due to the circumstances and all but NOTHING is funnier than people trying to make me feel bad for him. 'ohh poor jc is so lonely and misses his brother so bad he just wants to be a family again' well jc tried to kill his brother after he returned from his death by suicide, tortured him, mocked him, humiliated him, blamed him for the deaths of their family members, and physically attacked him more than once so I'm actually not losing sleep over the fact that his brother is choosing to spend time with someone who supports and takes care of him and respects him instead. you made this bed you lie in it. lmao

[youngyoo-apologist]

When it comes to OG!Cale ships I like both OG!AlCale and OG!ChoiHan but it really depends on the scenario

For example, I like OG!AlCale in both regression aus and TBoaH adjacent timeline things because I think a huge thing I like in their dynamic is how mysterious they both are to the other party. The fun of their dynamic is them discovering more about each other and the various miscommunications they have cause of their own personalities, and I think that works very well no matter the universe.

But with OG!ChoiCale, I feel like I can really only enjoy it in TBoaH adjacent things or if they both have the memories of the first life.

To me, a big thing about OG!ChoiCale is about the life they lived together, how they hated eachother, how they both didn’t know eachother for years, how they could have spent time together during the war due to unfortunate circumstances(there not being enough people left)

Like, I think OG!ChoiCale can be such a cool dynamic, such a sad, but comforting one at the same time. It’s a little bitter how the man you thought you would hate forever became a close companion, how he’s more similar to you than your younger self woild have ever thought, but do you really hate it?

Can you really hate having a person who understands you, when so many people have died? When so many are gone?

Something about the sadness of it all, how it was tragedy that brought them against each other at first, but now it brings them together. How they could only ever grow to understand eachother because of the pain they face, the pain that they shared. At some point, can you really hate him, even until the end? After all those years? After coming to understand him? No, you cannot.

Like, it adds in extra layers when they both care about each other at some point mid-way through the war, but they still can’t really talk to eachother properly. They care, but they frustrate one another, anger each other. Choi Han doing increasingly more risky and self sacrificial things because ‘I’m a hero’ ‘I have to do it.’ ‘It is justice to save people’, despite the fact that it’s at the expense of himself

And Cale’s frustration at Choi Han’s attitude. He can never wrap his head around the fact that Choi Han destroys himself for the sake of other people, and believes it’s heroic(He knows Choi Han doesnt, he know Choi Han hates it too, but he doesn’t know what else to say to himself other than the fact that ‘it’s for the greater good’, because he will go crazy if he doesn’t)

He’s mad, but there’s some twisted sense of understanding in there too. Cale understands, because he became trash for his family, he became trash to protect them, he had to do it.

But that’s only what he thought.

He was older now, he had lost them all, and he had seen how his trash act hadn’t done anything to protect them. It only distanced him from them, and now they were gone, and he could never see them again, he could never make amends.

Cale is mad at Choi Han for sacrificing himself because while Choi Han is hurting himself, the people who he loves, and the people who love him, watch him do it over and over again and he doesn’t listen to their worried cries.

He’s mad, but he understands. It was frustrating to be on the other side, watching someone destroy themselves for the sake of others when the people who cared about them wanted the exact opposite. The only difference between him and Choi Han was that Choi Han was never a good liar, he could never hide how much pain he went through.

In a way, Cale thought it was better that way.

At some point, there is love that is there. Love that follows them, and it’s so painful because they both know the tragedy edy to it that is how they are doomed, how they can never be happy in the first time line where they knew each other.

Because as Cale and Choi Han, they can’t be happy. Not when so much has been lost, not when the world is falling apart, they may love each other, but loving each other as they are means being in a world where everything else they love is gone.

It is a cruel kind of love.

Like let’s say they do pursue these feelings, even though knowing those two I don’t think they’d ever say anything in that scenario. If they did it would probably be Cale going like:

“Choi Han, do you love me?”

Choi Han doesn’t say anything, but his silence in place of adamant refusal is enough of an answer.

“Do you love me, Cale?”

Cale doesn’t say anything either, only smiling at Choi Han with his signature, cynical and bitter smile.

He didn’t deny it either.

It was a confirmation of feelings, but unlike the confessions from romance novels and stories, the main character and lead do not end up together and live happily ever after.

They stay together, but the world around them is not happy, not at all. They are together, but not as partners or as lovers, but two people who live in their suffering because all they can do is live.

I feel like anything they do together would always have an air of melancholy to it. Maybe they kiss, once, and no more, because there is no point in making it a regular thing. Not when everything in their world will end, even if they keep on fighting for it to not be that way.

They kiss, and it’s short, but in that short moment, the world is nothing but Cale and Choi Han.

Isn’t that selfish? If it’s like this, then they could ignore how everything has gone so badly. But that is exactly why they cannot be together, there is no ignoring the reality of their situation, no matter how sweet it would be to live in a false dream and never wake up.

I like my OG!ChoiCale a little doomed.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 2)

I finally got my answer on how will kyo’s confession of kyoko will be & how tohru will react. I love the writing, the pacing, the monologue, the dialogue, the facial expressions, tohru’s reaction, kyo’s rejection & tohru’s shock. Even yuki & akito’s involvement! All of it was a chef’s kiss!

I went & watched lots of eps of se01 & 2 & I’m loving all the hints they dropped abt kyo & how his trauma was looming over him all. this. damn. time! Unfortunately, it has reminded me of how much tohru’s own character exploration was diminished in favor of her being the angelic mother & the sohma’s fixer! but moving on & focusing on her shining moment now! I’ll explore her character here with regards of her trauma, real hidden character & future development.

Kyo’s rejection is the best thing that has ever happened to tohru:

(don’t hate me before you read!) XD~ just like you, I’m mad at kyo for hurting tohru & I feel her pain. However, the writer didn’t write this with a sadistic desire to hurt us. Kyo’s rejection is the core of the entire story as it is not only connected to kyo’s trauma, but tohru’s growth & yuki’s emotional involvement with the two, as well as akito’s insecurities. I have explained in my review( part 1) how kyo rejecting tohru was a logical progression of kyo’s trauma, the only possible outcome from his perspective, & the themes tied with such decision. Now, I’ll explain why this rejection is good for tohru in the long run:

1. Showing the hidden ugly side: (The timid, shy, self-sacrificing girl is angry!): Tohru’s entire consciously constructed personality is borrowed from elements in her mom & dad’s life:

She mimicked her dad’s overly polite style to prove that she is indeed his daughter, so her mom won’t be called w*ore & to console her mom, so she wont leave her. She has deep low self-worth issues. I gotta become someone else to be loved.

she has inner fear of bringing shame to her mom’s name, wants to always be the good girl so mom’s get praised for raising her. Thus, hiding ugly aspects such as anger, loud voice & frustration.

She wants to prove that her mom chose right by not neglecting her. wishes to be worth needing & loving for her own self.

All she ever wanted since being a 4 year old child is her mom. No other desire for anything else at all. Since her mom’s death, she’s been lost on what to do, who to be, what to want! then it came to her to stick to her mom’s memory & live for her. Living for a dead person is a self-sacrifice decision. Tohru just didn’t see herself outside of her mom’s influence.  

Ever since meeting kyo, he has been encouraging real aspects of her character: be selfish, complain, cry, get mad, yell, look pathetic, expose unflattering thoughts, show undesirable side, ask for things, no, DEMAND things. She has been reluctantly following his advice & only showing that to him. His confession & inability to accept her love has lead her to show the real hidden tohru behind the “ i’m okay” mask:

The timid, always smiling girl is now showing anger, frustration, stubbornness & determination.

screaming her heart out: “ i don’t believe my mom would say that” stating her opinion in firm voice.

 “even if she did, I have to go against her” the real tohru shows her explosive personality that was buried deep down! it is NOT mom’s life anymore. It is MINE. I decide. I choose. I want. My decisions.

“ why can’t you see that?” argues with him. Tohru, who is soft-spoken & tends to get flustered  when others insist, is now questioning his decision with passion & fierceness!

“ I love you no matter what”. Say what toy want. look at yourself as a monster, a murderer, a loser or a coward. I don’t care what your brain or trauma makes you think. I see the real YOU & it is my decision! I love you ugly & pretty, sad & happy, broken or strong, coward or brave. I take it all & no one is fooling me or changing my mind. I’m my own person & I chose YOU. 

 2. Letting go of attachments: Learning to LIVE:

Tohru’s attachment to her mom isn’t healthy. It’s  toxic as it hinders her from being her own person. To be able to love kyo, she lets go of “ listening to mommy’s words” . Apparently, her mom condemned kyo as unforgivable. Tohru knows the real kyo & doesn’t even care for forgiveness despite her mom’s alleged words. Breaking the toxic bond. She formed a healthier bond with kyo. However, if kyo is unable to accept this love. what would tohru do? die?? kill herself?? kyoko wasn't able to continue to love her husband cuz he died. her reaction was neglecting her daughter & roaming away in utter grief. Tohru mustn’t follow her mom’s example. Not all loved ones leave us out of hate. Some leave each other cuz of death (kyoko/tohru), ( kyoko/ katsuya), Others might leave each other out of current traumatic pain, mental health, emotional hindrance despite loving each other so dearly (kyo/tohru). If kyo despite his immense love to tohru, can’t forgive himself, they won’t be together. tohru can cry, scream, yell, but if he doesn't overcome his issues & come back, tohru gotta let go. She gotta learn to let go & not kill herself over what she cant have.

Kyo, on the opposite, gotta learn to hold on to loved ones! Let go of pain but hold on to real ppl not dead ghosts of the past. He must learn to act on his own desire & need for tohru. Only when he forgives himself, he’ll hold on to her. It is then, that tohru will decide again if she’ll have him or not.

3- Wanting things doesn't mean you WILL have them: (You are enough by yourself- moderation)

tohru wants kyo, the first thing she has ever wanted. However, she won’t  automatically get him just because she now learned to demand things. There are obstacles that can stop that. Tohru must accept kyo’s inability to be with her now & live healthily regardless. This ties to akito as well. She wants the zodicas but she cant have them! Emotional distance separate them. What will akito do if she can’t have what she wants? kill kurno? kill tohtru? kill herself? will this bring the zodiacs back? NO. You are enough by yourself. She needs to let go & learn to accept that love means acceptance between the involved parties, emotional connection isn't enough.

-Realistic depiction of romantic relationship progression: (thro better & worse). EPIC writing!

It is indeed fate that brought tohru back in kyo’s path 4 months after her mom’s death & the they do share a mutual past: kyoko. However, fervor grateful to the author for writing them falling in love together isn’t due to fate, coincidence, mutual past or similar personalities. Kyo consciously avoided tohru while tohru herself struggled to understand kyo initially. The author spend valuable time building their romantic relation based on mundane daily life activities. They themselves don’t quite know when exactly that they fell in love. when they recalled falling in love, we see them cooking together, talking, walking, eating, studying & opening up abt small struggles.

It is genius that the writer will add yet another realistic aspect. While kyo was able to read tohru & approach her when she’s down, this doesn't mean he magically understood her & will forever be on the same page & never ever hurt each other at all. If you fell in love, you are bound to be hurt by the person who loves you back as much as be happy together. It is realistic!!! Adding miscommunication & personality differences enrich the relationship. This relationship isn’t just fluffy & lovey dovey. They have realistic issues that they need to work on by communicating. Even communication  wont solve their quarrel if it isn’t done in the right time & with the right desire to connect.

-The weight & future lessons learned from of “ I’m disappointed in you” for both kyo & tohru:

Right now kyo is too emotional to connect & tohru herself is too emotional to understand his response. Tohru understands his pain but her low self-esteem prevents her from seeing that he is rejecting being loved , not rejecting her. He is not rejecting tohru as a person but rejecting kyo as a person deserving love. Thanks to his “ i’m disappointed in you” which really leaves no room for interpretation from tohru’s perspective. I love that!!!! Kyo isn’t good with words. This has been clear from ep 1, his actions has always been his love language, but now he couples bad words “ i’m disappointed in you” with bad actions: running away. This is a perfect opportunity to build their future relationship on a solid foundation: ( off course I’m not belittling their current emotions, I understand why each is very broken now, but I’m talking abt future learning lessons)

Kyo’s current mistake: While him rejecting tohru is justified by the extreme trauma & is logical from his perspective. This doesn’t mean it isnt’t hurtful to her. He chose hurtful words to push her away mimicking how he pushed her in the true form arc. Perfect example of justified mistake yet still a wrong mistake. Thus, kyo needs to learn the effect of his words, he shouldn’t be punished for the past, for tings her cant control, nor for fate. But he should take responsibilities of the present, of what he actually says & does right now.  He must fix this mistake with tohru. This is a mistake that CAN be fixed. someone that he CAN get back. a mistake he CAN stop repeating.He CAN hold on to her with immense desire yet allow room for her to decide for herself.

Tohru’s current mistake: Seeing herself solely thro being loved by kyo. she cant see that he indeed loves her cuz he rejected her. Rejection in tohru’s mind equal lack of love. Her mom left her, thus her mom didnt love her. This respective is very justified due to her trauma, & it is logical that she reached this conclusion. She isnt in his head, she cant know whats in his heart if his words say sth else. However, having a logical perspective doesn't mean it is right. it is still wrong to solely exist thro what you can see & hear. Real emotions run deeper. We must take things with moderate approach. Tohru needs to have higher self-esteem, to allow room for misunderstanding without completely breaking down. In her future life, she’ll be in lots of situations where ppl could hurt her intentionally or unintentionally. She needs to take things with calmer pace & open the door in her mind for doubt & better judgement. As much as loved ones words hurt, to build a healthy relationship, you must leave room for communication & misunderstanding. Hence, you’ll get closer & closer. 

Side Notes:

 I love tohru’s faulty attachment thro only being loved back exactly as she pictures in her mind. it is so human, so real, & so endearing! Very opposite of se01 & 2 image of her being the wise, device-giving mother with right thing to say & do. Screw that unrealistic image! allow tohru to be real! best ep ever! Hopefully, no more of this tohru!

Kyo’s constant repeat of mistakes is the best character trope done right! so realistic. It is genius that the author used this trope to humanize the demonic cat spirit!! what screams human better than the most annoying human trait: repeating mistakes!!!!  Kyo, my son! it’s time to learn! cant wait to see how the author will do that.

young boy/ adult woman friendship? Was that ever made without  disgusting sexualizion? kyoko isnt much of a mom figure to kyo, she tells me abt a husband, child neglect mistakes, custody! he calls her old hag & pushes her! XD. it is friendship!!

i’m mad they didnt focus on tohru’s face when she screamed at kyo confessing her love.. that's tohru moment. Why pan on yuki? you could’ve showed his reaction after she spoke. The same thing was done when tohru confessed to Isuzu!-_-! loved her angry face tho, it was beautifully drawn, so thanks for that. XD

Yuki is forever the best tohru/kyo shipper & the best tohru-happiness defender. I love how he runs after kyo & yet checks on tohru! I’m curious tho, he didnt hear any of kyo/kyoko confession as he was asleep, only the the “ forgive/not forgive line” so, he’ll be wondering forgive what? tohru’s mom knows kyo? I’m excited on how they’ll put things into context. also, I LOVE YUKI.

I’m forever thankful that everything akito is pushed into next ep. The knife wielding action & akito’s dramatic outbursts would’ve stolen from the emotional weight of kyo’s confession. Kyo’s secret is the core of furuba since ep, 1, the entire dynamics of kyo/tohru/yuki /kyoko/ hat is established based on this ep. Shoving akito, too, would create the same annoying train bullet feeling of momiji’s & tohru’s ep (ep 5 & 6). Emotional scenes pushed together with lesser time for the respective characters to have their well-deserved focus.

This is the most I am attached & satisfied with furuba! it scares me since ep 9 continues the climax. My fears of potential dramatic animation since the knife is there! moreover, akito’s own animation is always over the top. I hope they tone it down to portray her as a human more than a maniac.

Also, I hope they dont drag the climax more than that. What more you can shove in the dramatic raining weather. Tohru/kyo scene here matched the true arc scene bringing back parallel. Now akito/tohru raining scene next ep will match se02, ep10 scene. Now, what will the author do to defuse the climax? Often writing the falling action is harder than the climax itself. Falling action doesnt mean happy times & solving issues. It means dealing with the consequences of the climax. Let’s see what the writer has in store.

Based on the flashbacks, Kyoko didnt have ill feelings with kyo!!!! Until the last time he saw her as a child, she was happy with him. Even when he pushed her, she took it as a childlike behavior. at the accident, she didnt have much time to have any ill feelings. No way she thought he pushed her, no way she thought he could’ve saved her. So if she really recognized him, why would she say “ I wont forgive you”? it doesnt make sense at all. Kyoko doesn't hate kyo!!!! So, either he imagined, which is sth that I’ll hate so much! I spent so much emotions attached to a non existant words! NO. plz! NO!! Other possibility, she said sth else closer to the words! but then again how would we know? I NEED to know! ~ as expected, I’m still attached to this damn line! XD. 

Kyo depressed in the mountains after kyoko’s death was very vaguely referenced in (1) se01, ep24 when kyo talked to kazuma! oh shoot! (2) in se02, sp 2 when kazuma thought back to kyo nearly killing himself in depression before meeting the dad, (3) in se02, ep 9 when kyo trampled on the flower! oof! i love this subtle style of writing! connecting the emotional dots! EPIC!

Various characters throut seasons 1, 2 & 3 noticed the real gentle kyo towards tohru: (1) Isuzu’s “ I hope tohru meets someone like haru, to gently open the door” se02, ep19. (2) Momiji having faith that kyo is the right person for tohru & pushing him, (3) yuki constantly musing over tohru/kyo love & drawing inspiration on wanting “ his own person to love like them” (3) Kisa saying kyo is kind to tohru se3, (4) shigure saying, you are exclusively kind to tohru se02, (5) Airisa saying, when will kyo confess in se01, (6) hana saying, marry my sister in the play & pushing him to not be locked! (7) yuki kicking him for saying “ its not your business” to tohru in kyoto trip, (8) kakeru saying “ kyo’s her boyfriend? “ AA~~~~ the whole cast know & can see his love to her!!! TOHRU! He doesnt hate you! KYO!! the entire cast thinks you DESERVE HER & is KIND! not a monster! Is there an image set of those moments of the cast saying that here in tumblr? kindly mention me to see it! I fear going to the tags & seeing spoilers T_T.

[nishigo]

growing. // razor headcanons and writings. // chapter one.

a book titled “growing.”

[ c h a p t e r 1 : false reality. ]

the synopsis reads: razor and the dear reader have gotten themselves into quite the mess. miscommunications and raised voices lead to an argument that was more heated than a flaming flower. although healing takes time, could a wound this large be repaired? aka fighting and making up with razor headcanons.

authors note: hello traveler. pleasure to see you again in this library. this book is a mixture of headcanons as well as writing that i have made into a three part short series. i was going to make it one, but i got carried away because razor is an absolute sweetheart. i do hope you enjoy, and the 3 chapters (aka parts) will come out at around 7:30 pm est. this is because i am trying to do some winter break school work. but please, let me stop rambling. i’ll leave you to it, enjoy the book. :) (also sorry for the repost. i noticed a mistake. ^^”)

word count : 1,222 words.

tw: this part entails an argument. a bit angsty, so if you don’t like yelling, please be cautious dear reader! (*´-`)

request status at time of posting : open.

[ chapter one. ] [ chapter two. ] [ chapter three. ] 

in which it began with happiness and hope, yet ended with the crushing of a dream.

would you like to read?

＞　行｡ ( y e s )

＞　不行 。( n o )

------

you and razor had been dancing around your feelings for each other for quite some time now.

ever since you met the boy in wolvendom, you had found him to be the most precious being you had ever met.

although, despite this, he wasn’t used to humans and their ways because of how he was raised, so a big roadblock between the two of you was communication.

at first, it was cute, the way his sentences were always short, sweet, and oblivious.

“y/n, smell good. better than meat.”

^ you decided to take that as a compliment rather than an insult.

and his sweet gifts he would give such as some boar meat he had hunted down or some apples he had found lying on the ground were one of the ways you knew he was on good terms with you.

however, you were beginning to get frustrated.

you had fallen in love with the boy due to his sweet nature (and i mean, looks as well; have you seen him? he’s absolutely a pretty boy, even if he doesn’t know it)

but because you could never tell what he was thinking (or rather, he didn’t know what he was thinking), it began to eat you up inside

did razor like you? was he in love with you? would razor date you? or would he consider it mating? how do wolves even mate each other??? bark bark woof woof fall in love??

so many questions, all with no answers.

so one day, you came to wolvendom yourself.

granted, razor wasn’t the main reason for you doing so, you had to hunt for some extra meat and some fruit for your mission you had to partake in tomorrow.

you hadn’t been able to come to the forest for quite some time, so when razor saw you coming over, he practically bounded over to you and stopped right up near your face.

“y/n!” he called your name, an excited look on his features

you froze as you heard your voice, turning and watching as he came at the speed of light right towards you.

there was that smile he had.

a tiny piece of you melted on the inside as he rocked back and forth from heel to toe, but it disappeared as your hands gently took both sides of his shoulders.

------

You inhaled softly as you stared at him. Your eyes held a different look to them today, Razor’s face was morphing into one of confusion as he tilted his head cutely. He truly did act like an overgrown puppy in a human's body. How sweet...

No, wait. No time to get distracted, you had to ask now. You decided that being blunt would be the best course of action as you exhaled. Summoning all the courage you had, you simply inquired,

“Razor, do you love me?”

Razor scrunched up his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Love? What was that? Was it a new meat he had never heard about? Perhaps it was a dish. But then why would you be the meat? He was lost. “Love? What is love?” You scoffed as you glared at him.

“Don’t play dumb with me! I know you don’t know a lot of emotions, but this is not the time to fool around! You know what love is, Razor. It’s a basic emotion, like happiness or sadness. Do you love me?” You repeated, but this time the tension began to rise as he began to get defensive. Why were you suddenly so aggressive with him? He had answered your question honestly, wasn’t that what you wanted? The boy felt the grip of your hands on his shoulders grow a bit tighter and he felt trapped. Restriction of freedom was something that made him panic quick having grown up in the forest. Razor quickly slapped one of your hands away, beginning to fight a bit as he took a step back. Then, in his little brain, he concluded that he would give an answer. After all, if he didn’t know what something was, he should not trust it. It was in his instinct of sorts, and instinct was always right. Well, at least to him.

“No! No, Razor does not want love with you! No love, no no no!” He yelled out, frustrated at your brashness and your tone. Whatever this love thing was, he wasn’t into. Not if it made you so upset. Though, sadly, his misinterpretation caught you off guard as your face went blank. Your other hand let go of him, staring into, or rather past, his blood red eyes, as if he were a ghost.

He was...just being nice? All this time? The apples, the boar, the smiles, laying under the stars together, that meant...nothing to him? Not a spark of love, no feelings? He didn’t feel the same, electrifying rush you got whenever you simply even saw him? You had been combing the stars in the sky for some sort of sign, but alas, you ended up empty handed. All your wishes, his gestures, all the time and commitment you had spent up on this one boy was futile.

The realization made its way onto your face as your eyes began to turn watery. You sniffled a bit as you watched him simply stand there and watch you crumble. It felt embarrassing, it made your hands clammy. Your cheeks flushed, your eyes were devoid of color. He felt something in the air as he stared at you now, a tad curled in on yourself. It was dense, crushing, and uncomfortable. It was like suffocating, which made him confused. Razor concluded that both of you could still breathe, the two of you weren't being hurt, yet…

Why did his chest suddenly feel so heavy?

“Y/N, why face? Why I-” Razor would begin walking towards you to try and make it all better, his gloved hand coming up to your hand, but you took multiple steps back.

“I’m s-sorry. I have to g-go. Forget a-about it.” You put it simply before you dashed off, down the plains and through the shrubs and trees. Razor attempted to follow you, but because of the thicket of trees, he had lost you. At the edge of the forest, he looked around but for some reason, you had disappeared like magic. Gone with the wind you went, leaving just him being more confused and weighed down than ever.

------

you ran back to mondstadt and back to your little inn where you were staying. the holes in communication were now painstakingly obvious as you sat on your bed and held your head in your hands.

he really...didn’t love you.

understandably, you were in tears. it was the first time you had fallen in love with someone for goodness sakes, and to get rejected? it was worse than getting slashed with a sword on the battlefield.

remembering you had to travel once more to the falcon coast for your mission, you decided to distract yourself and then sleep it off.

what’s even worse was that you were going to ask him to come with you. your first adventure together outside of wolvendom!

...hah, as if that would ever happen now.

being with razor was only a dream now.

and in reality, dreams don’t come true.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[laneofpennies]

ok so i’m just gonna get all my thoughts about wkm and folklore out in this post so i can stop being incomprehensible

and yes, this has ego shipping. i couldn’t stop myself.

the 1

Damien and William. I’ll start off like that. I feel like this is a melancholy ballad about a couple who didn’t work out due to maybe distance or misunderstanding- or in this case, being gay in the 1920s- and looking back on their childhood and regretting never taking that step. Also, the addition of meeting someone else and taking them home makes me think of Celine. And the singer seems successful, much like a mayor of a small city.

cardigan

Actor!Mark is written absolutely all over this song, albeit before he was entirely corrupted. But the plot, about someone still being in love despite the other having cheated and being hurt so much time after? That’s Mark, babeyyy. We know his mental state was not great after the divorce- maybe even before that. Celine was his rock.

the last great american dynasty

This tips more into my own canon, I’ll admit. But I always thought Celine and Damien weren’t exactly from the same social class as Mark. So when the marriage between the two happened, people talked. But Celine was always a badass. Even if after the divorce she was persecuted by the media, she kept her head up. Also this song makes me cry and so does Celine so I feel like that’s enough of a connection.

exile (Ft. Bon Iver)

THE MOST Celine and Mark song, well, ever. Miscommunication. References to acting as a career. The longing to make things right. Two perspectives. The third guy, who in this case is William, swooping in. Mark not having seen any of the signs of her discomfort in the lifestyle she led, and Celine just feeling shut out. I also feel like Mark was often worried about her offending other famous actors and she felt suffocated whenever they went out together.

my tears ricochet

Actor. This one might seem like a stretch, but the Mark we know is not the same from before the divorce. He was hurting, and confused as to why this had all happened to them. We know the divorce was messy and ended an entire friend group, and Celine seemed to have taken it much better, leading to the current circumstance. The fear of being home all alone- in this case because of a literal demon.

mirrorball

Since this song is revolving around someone that blends in, changes, can show a million different faces, I think it’s perfect for the DA, aka the viewer. This character had to be written so that we could all see ourselves in them, whether that be for WKM, ADWM, or AHWM. Also the metaphor about broken glass...? That’s just too perfect.

​seven

More of my slight headcanons!! William and Damien growing up as friends must have been very close to this song. There’s talk about haunted houses, best friends, secrets, keeping in the closet, strict parents... I feel like they would be really cute in this song. They’ve been friends for ages, and even now, though they both look a little different. Overall, this song about childhood innocence slowly eroding fits the colonel and the politician.

august

This song is the second in the story about love affairs, excluding Illicit Affairs. This one always struck me because of how soft and tender it was, despite this being from the view of the other woman. There is a hint of regret and sadness that they can’t be publicly together, but you can tell there was genuine love between them. I like to think that William did love Celine, and saw the darkness within that house and within Mark. The affair was where it crossed the line, and he knew they couldn’t go back.

this is me trying

This one I see as mostly just about Damien. He had been the glue in this friend group for so long, and was so eager to see them all back together, it only made sense he would take the affair and divorce just as hard as those directly involved. I can imagine him pleading for reconciliation and attempting to help Mark through everything while still staying loyal to his sister. It must have been a struggle, and one he never let go of.

illicit affairs

Oddly enough, this song isn’t directly attached to August and Cardigan, but I feel like it fits perfectly for how Celine felt throughout the entire affair. She lost her love for Mark. She knew it was wrong, but she did truly did fall in love with William. The pains of being in their secret relationship and how useless she feels is perfect for how she wanted so strongly to be out of this situation even if she couldn’t be without either of them.

invisible string

Since the overall theme of this song revolves around the individual lives of two strangers having always been weaved together by fate, I feel like it fits the story Mark is building with all of these characters. Though this song is much happier, haha. This can also point to Mark now wanting us to be the love interest and trying to convince us we had been meant to be from the start, him being the hero and all.

mad woman

OBVIOUSLY Celine. She has her flaws, but she genuinely was a tough character who cared about her family. Even if she had been put down for her fieriness and her hobbies especially being a woman at the turn of the century, this madness is almost a freedom for her. Actor wasn’t the best husband, at least we can assume, and William wasn’t perfect either. And she never confided in her brother until it was too late. So all of this points back to her not trusting anyone in her life other than herself, and being trapped with her own anger and passions. I could write a whole essay on this one, guys-

��epiphany

I guess this one might be fairly obvious. William. The Colonel who served more than his time. Who’s seen horrors that he still has yet to overcome. I imagine this song is specifically about him in the war, fighting to stay alive for his friends, and then him having to adjust and rely on them once he first returned home and had to deal with consequences of everything he saw overseas.

betty

gay and yearning. damien and william. next question.

peace

ok ok hear me out- The viewer about Damien. They’re life partners, whether that be romantic or platonic. Working together, studying together- it’s obvious there’s a really strong connection there. Also, the lyrics describe someone I really feel like fits Damien- honorable, has integrity, kind. Maybe this is self-indulgent but it seems like it really fits them.

hoax 

This song is about a toxic relationship. Taylor knows it won’t work out, but she needs the other. The undertones of standing on the cliffside, the mentions of heroes and scars and the overall theme of faith and dependency make me, again, come back to Actor, thinking about Celine. Say what you want, but he was codependent. 

[babygirlizz]

Movies and TV shows of 2019

Okay so a couple or few years ago I did a review of movies that had released that year because I was super into movies that year. I am still into movies, but I have been watching a lot more shows this year. So, I will be reviewing movies and tv shows. Furthermore, I will be including stuff released this year, that I found this year, or that has a new season this year. Basically just anything that I have loved this year. Also, I don’t feel like ranking, so no particular order. Also, SPOILERS AHEAD - if you see a title of something you have not seen, and don’t want spoilers, please feel free to skip that section. Also, some of these I haven’t seen in a hot minute so if I get a detail messed up, we won’t speak on it. And finally, trigger warning - if you have struggled with sexual assault and may have an issue reading about it, either skip this post entirely or skip over the review of “Unbelievable.”

MOVIES -

1. After

I have been waiting for this since middle school. I read the after books on wattpad because what teenager in love with harry styles didn’t. Now I will be real with y'all. The acting could use some work in specific scenes, and some of the actors aren't MY favorite picks for certain roles, but I’m not gonna hate on actors. Ok so, Tessa (Josephine Langford) is an incoming freshman in college and is rooming with an upperclassmen, Steph (Khadijha Red Thunder) who has a friend named Hardin (Hero Fiennes-Tiffin). Steph wants Tessa to branch out and do new things, so she invites her to a party, where they play the stereotypical games, and thats when Hardin is kind of dared to make Tessa fall in love with him. ALSO, Tessa has a high school boyfriend named Noah (Dylan Arnold). She starts seeing Hardin, her boyfriend finds out, she falls in love with Hardin, and finds out it was all a dare. Buuuuuuut, pLoT tWiSt he actually loves her.

2. Avengers: Endgame

Ok listen, Infinity War was heartbreaking bc Bucky duh, but y'all are really gonna take Tony (RDJ) and Steve (Chris Evans) away from me? Shut up. Still, this was a really good movie and I’m not just saying that because I’m a marvel hoe. FRICK Thanos and thats on Ant Man. Thats literally all I have to say.

3. Annabelle Comes Home

I am a whore for scary movies. I love them so much and this one was *chefs kiss*. I love Mckenna Grace, she's such a good young actress and she fits so well in scary moves. There’s not much to say about the plot in this one, and ya really need to see it. Also, Bob (Michael Cimino) is so heckin cute what the heck.

4. Let It Snow

Ok this is a lot to unpack so grab ya snacks. Let’s talk about couple number 1 (of 3), Tobin (Mitchell Hope) and Angie (Kiernan Shipka) who are best friends. Tobin is in love with Angie but doesn’t know how to tell her, and gets lots of unwanted encouragement from his best friend Keon (Jacob Batalon) who just wants to throw a heckin good party, is that too much to ask for? So Angie gets invited to a party by some cute guy, JP (M and Tobin is jealous but goes with her anyways and they steal a keg for Keon’s party and run from the scary hosts of the party and end up stranded in a church after his car spins out of control. They finally make it to the party and kiss on the roof with the waffle town sign shining bright behind them. NEXT - we have Julie (Isabela Merced) and Stuart (Shameik Moore). This is kind of really cliche with the whole “he’s-famous-she-doesn’t-care-he-finds-that-attractive-lets-fall-in-love” aspect, but its also hella cute uwu. They meet on a train and the train stops so they go eat at the waffle town and go sledding and do a bunch of cute coupley shit. His manager comes to get him and basically tells her that nothing will ever really happen between them and he leaves. Then, he shows up at the party and they fall in love. NEXT- we have Dorrie (Liv Hewson) who is a lesbian that constantly struggles with the gay panic. Her best friend Addie (Odeya Rush) doesn't help much either because she's having her own relationship problems. Dorrie works at Waffle Town and when she's working the girl she's talking to, Kerry (Anna Akana) comes in with her dance team, and she's not out of the closet. A bunch of shit goes down, but they end up together and Dorrie learns that she’s worth more than she thinks and that’s all that matters. Also, Billy (Miles Robbins) and Tin Foil Woman (Joan Cusack) make wonderful additions to this movie.

5. The King

First of all - Timothée Chalamet and Robert Pattinson in the same movie? Sign me the HECK up. But they’re also historical, frick yea. Not too much to say about this movie other than it’s good. Super graphic (don’t watch if you don’t like decapitation lol) and super long, but good nonetheless.

6. Falling Inn Love

This movie is super freaking cute. Gabriela (Christina Milian) decides that she needs a change and enters a contest to win an Inn in New Zealand. She wins the Inn and is shocked when she realizes the Inn needs a LOT of work. She goes around town to get stuff to fix up the Inn and constantly runs into Jake (Adam Demos) and they have this flirty but we don’t like each other relationship, but then ya know, they fall in(n) love. 

SHOWS -

1. The Society

I could talk about this show for hours, literally. I love it so much it’s insane. Ok, so lets start from the beginning. A town called West Ham is being plagued by a disgusting smell. Due to this, the town decides to send busloads of teenagers to the mountains while they try and resolve the smell situation. All of the teenagers fall asleep on the bus and wake up to the announcement that they had to go back home due to road blocks. When they get off the buses, its late and no one is there to pick them up. They think that it may just be a sense of miscommunication, so they head home, only to find that none of their families are there, and they can’t get ahold of any of them over the phone. They finally decide to investigate and find that all exits out of town are completely blocked off. They then decide to find a way to survive without their families. This causes a lot of tension within the town including the death of a main character. This shows also includes gay representation!!!! This is my favorite couple, Sam (Sean Birdy) and Grizz (Jack Mulhern). Sam is deaf and gay and his brother, Campbell (Toby Wallace), makes fun of him for both reasons, and when the whole issue with the town happens, he believes he will never find love because he doesn’t think anyone else is gay, until Grizz comes along, and tries to learn ASL and loves him for him.

2. Roswell New Mexico

Alright, to be completely honest, I did not want to watch this. I have no idea why I just didn’t. I saw an edit on like instagram or something of the couples in the show and I was like, alright I can give it a chance. And spoiler alert I loved it. The series starts off with Liz Ortecho (Jeanine Mason) comes back to her hometown of Roswell around the time of her the anniversary of her sister, Rosa’s (Amber Midthunder), death. She gets pulled over on her way in and the officer that pulled her over was Max Evans (Nathan Parsons), who has had a crush on her since they first met, and just so happens to be an alien. After Liz gets shot in her families restaurant, Max uses his healing powers to save her, but leaves behind a hand print on her that makes her suspicious. She continues to investigate until he tells her the truth. She also finds out that her sister was actually murdered, and has the same hand print on her that she did when Max healed her. Turns out, his sister, Isobel (Lily Cowels) killed her, but it was actually another alien possessing her (which they didn’t know was possible when she killed her). When they landed on earth they also landed with their “brother” Michael (Michael Vlamis) who starts off the series with an on and off relationship with Alex (Tyler Blackburn) and I love them together. Alex is the son of one of the guys trying to find and take down the aliens and he also went to war and lost his leg. Anyways, towards the end of the season Alex starts seeing Maria (Heather Hemmens), which is a couple I don’t really like, but also bi representation is good! Anyways I don’t really wanna spoil this one too much I just love it a lot.

3. Elite

This is a show that came out in 2018, but they released a second season this year. All I’m saying is please watch the original version, not the dubbed over version. Elite is a spanish show about a few students that get a scholarship to the private school after their school gets demolished. This shows is in the fashion of present and past which includes a lot of flashbacks leading up to the the murder of one of the students. My favorite part of this show is the relationship between Ander (Arón Piper) and Omar (Omar Ayuso). Ander is the son of the head of the school and Omar is the brother of one of the students that got a scholarship. Not only are they of different socioeconomic status’, but Omar is also Muslim, and his family would not approve of him being gay. He finally finds the courage to tell his family, but thats not until season 2. Also, his sister Nadia (Mina El Hammani) falls in love with the “bad boy” of the school, Guzmán (Miguel Bernardeau) and starts going against her parents wishes as well.

4. The Umbrella Academy 

Y’all mind if I confuse y'all real quick. So, a bunch of women all of the sudden give birth out of nowhere at the same time even tho none of them were pregnant? Yea I know weird. Anyways, so this dude tries to adopt as many of them as possible and ends up adopting like 7. They all have powers and they try and stop the apocalypse. That’s literally all I can tell y'all. 

5. Unbelievable

I swear I didn’t mean to get y’all upset right now. This show made me angry and sad and so many other feelings all at once. So the show beings with a girl named Marie (Kaitlyn Dever) getting raped in her home. When she reports it, they can’t find any evidence, as he cleaned the apartment and made her shower. This mixed with the fact that she struggles remembering parts of her experience (which is common with sexual assault), the police don’t believe her and force her to retract her statement. This in itself is awful, but they also charge her with false statement, which adds on to the fact that people already believe that she is a liar. Years later, two female detectives, Karen and Grace, piece together rapes in their precincts and once they find the rapist, they find Marie’s picture in with his belongings, proving that she was telling the truth the entire time.

6. Sailor Moon

I just got into anime and all I have to say is that I love this. That is all.

[ajokeformur-ray]

May I have a mach too, please? 😳 I have borderline dissorder that makes me need constantly atention from the person I'm in love, and If I don't get it I feel extremely sad. I am a shy person but with a strong character, making friends is a very hard thing to do for me. I am quite asocial. I talk a lot with very reliable people, I can do monologue for hours. I like to feel protected, loved, feel like a little girl. I am very childlike and facetious. (Sorry for my bad English)

Hi, angel! You sent this in a long time ago so I hope this is still something you’ll enjoy! Thank you for being patient with me!😊💗

Total word count: 1, 806.

Arthur // wc: 918.

If anyone understands what it means to suffer in day to day life, it’s Arthur. He may not know what borderline disorder is upon first learning of it, but Arthur has regular appointments with Doctor Kane and he can easily find out with her. He would read out loud from his government issued brown battered journal all of the things which you said to him the night before during a candid conversation, and Doctor Kane would frown. She would reach into one of her drawers in her overcrowded desk, bowing under its own weight and hand Arthur a pamphlet which details your disorder. Arthur would spend long hours reading from this pamphlet and he would listen to you and follow what you say to the letter. Nothing is more important to him than you are, and he proves that to you every single day. You feel extremely sad if you don’t receive the attention which you need from your loved one, and Arthur is an all or nothing person; which means that naturally are you surrounded with love and never for even a second can you doubt his love and devotion for you. Arthur tells you every single day, in every available moment, that he loves you and all the reasons why. He, too, also needs constant reassurance, so loud are his demons and so vicious are his thoughts. You silence them every day, just as he does for you. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, for both of you struggle daily and exhausting is it even on your best days. During the days when Arthur can’t be for you what you most need him to be, he is deeply apologetic and devotes the rest of the evening, those scant few precious hours, holding you close and giving you what you deserve. It’s the least he can do for you and it’s undoubtedly  the very same you would do for him in that same situation.

It’s really hard for you to make friends and you’re very shy. Arthur, for his part, is also very shy and keeps to himself. As such, it’s takes a long time for the two of you  to even start a friendship. You have a strong character and Arthur also has hidden depths and is frequently underestimated and in this way do you gravitate towards each other, both sensing that there is more to the other person than first seems to be. You are asocial and Arthur was socially isolated for much of his life, so both of you are lost when it comes to social interactions. However, that sense that there is more to each other guides you through each interaction and you slowly fall together. It isn’t easy, and sometimes you wonder why you bother, but then you look into Arthur’s hypnotic sea green eyes and you remember all of the reasons why.  There is nothing either of you won’t do for the other, and even when or if miscommunications happen between the two of you, there is so much love between you that you can overcome anything. It’s hard for you to make friends and it’s just as hard for Arthur to make friends too, so the two of you typically spend much of your time together; you are each other’s best friend. As the two of you get to know each other, you discover each other’s hidden depths and you realise that you were right: there is more to Arthur than meets the eye. You wonder how you ever survived before him. You are asocial and when Arthur comes home from work and your own day is over with, the two of you spend a quiet evening together on the worn sofa watching The Murray Franklin Show and talking quietly. You rarely go out in the evenings and neither of you would ever have it any other way. You have both found your forever home and though 8J is the apartment, your home is in the arms of the other person.

You talk a lot with very reliable people, and Arthur is the most reliable person of them all. During those quiet evenings on the sofa, you can monologue for hours and Arthur adores listening to you. He likes for it to be quiet while he watches The Murray Franklin Show so that he can fully immerse himself in his daydreams, but when the show is over and he is dancing with you across the cramped but cosy living room, Arthur likes to listen to you talk. “Come on, talk to me,” he quietly says, barely audible over the television. “Let me hear all about your day,“ and he will tell you about his day too. You tell each other everything, best friends are you. You like to feel protected and loved, and Arthur is a natural caretaker. These two things go hand in hand and your relationship is built on mutual trust and respect and your individual personalities perfectly complement one another. You are childlike and Arthur adores practicing his show on you, for you give him an authentic reaction every single time and over the weeks and months of your relationship his show and his sense of humour gets tailored to your own, so desperately does he want to make you laugh and smile. You are facetious and this fits in perfectly with Arthur’s dark sense of humour, for he, too, jokes about inappropriate things. The two of you are perfect for each other in every single way.

Joker // wc: 888.

By this stage in your relationship, yourself and Joker know everything about each other. There is nothing either of you can say or do which will surprise the other person, so deeply and so completely do you know and love one another. The both of you require constant reassurance and attention from the other person for different reasons. For you, it is because of your borderline disorder and for Joker, it is due to learned behaviours. He is not a narcissist, but due to being raised by a narcissistic parent, he inevitably exhibits those tendencies. The longer he is with you, however, the less he shows these signs, due to learning different behaviours. Again, it is not all sunshine and rainbows, and there are days when neither of you are what the other person most wants you to be. Clear communication and mutual trust and respect enable the two of you to discuss your feelings within your relationship, and this means that such times are usually smoothed over with well earned and well-deserved cuddles. He still has the pamphlet which Doctor Kane gave him all that time ago. Little does he refer to it now, preferring to rely on his own knowledge and experiences. There is nothing he won't do for you, and following recent events has that sentiment taken a darker tone. It is more ominous now, and more threatening to all except yourself. You are the safest person in all of Gotham and in Joker's arms do you find everything you have ever wanted or needed, even before you knew what those things were. Whenever you are sad or anything less than perfectly okay, Joker is there with an understanding, sympathetic smile and the calloused pads of his thumbs wipe away any and all tears which fall. You are his greatest priority and he will protect you and defend you with his life. 

Joker is the same man he has always been, it is only that he no longer cares what the world may think of him; Gotham wanted a clown and that was precisely what they got. The poor man chose his name but not what came with it and it breaks your heart to think about everything that he had to go through and still was he unseen, still was he unknown and still was he not listened to, by all except you; his one and only person who understands him. It is difficult for you to make friends and Joker is your biggest supporter. Just because his life is over, as a wanted man and a criminal, it doesn't mean that yours is and he will support you in everything. Your future is something which Joker defends with greater ferocity than you do. You are shy but your character is strong and Joker finds this juxtaposition amusing. If you ever get shy in front of him, he only giggles and cups your face delicately in his hands, his fingers splayed behind your ears, and he kisses you soundly until you quite forget what you were shy about. There is nothing he won't do for you and though he often werewolfs out in the filthy and dirty streets of Gotham, he also loves nothing more than coming home to you. You are safest at home and it is easier for Joker to protect himself when he isn't worried about your safety. If he lost you then he would truly be dangerous for only then would he have nothing left to lose and in a city like Gotham is that dangerous beyond measure. But the city got what it deserves and now, so does Joker in your arms. Nowhere else would he rather be.

Joker's protective streak is amplified by your enjoyment of feeling protected and loved; he is able to express this streak with you without the need of dampening himself down and with you is he his freest and truest self. Everything he does, everything that he is, is designed to help you and to protect you. Joker wouldn't want you any other way, just as you don't want him any other way. You can talk a lot and this grounds Joker more effectively than anything else. When his mind races and threatens to break the spirit of his soul, Joker asks you to talk. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, just so long as you do. You are his one and only person who understands him, and he never has to explain himself to you despite his unpredictable behaviours and unknown triggers and boundaries of his anger, because you understand him on a fundamental level, just as he does with you, so long have you been together and so deeply are you bonded. You are childlike and through you can Joker experience his own lost childhood. You remind him of a time which was stolen from him and he clings to you with everything that he has; his biggest fear is losing you. You fear the same and you work hard to maintain the rich relationship which the two of you have built together. Joker loves you for all of you and he would never want you any other way than how you so naturally are on your best day, your worst day and everything in between.

[mothmansfriend]

when i’m sad oh god i’m sad (pt. 2)

link to pt. 1

follows a very similar timeline to @tearxofink‘s fic Rules for a Functioning Alcoholic but will prob have differences (such as no established relationships) and takes place in @illogicallyinclined‘s hockey au after the mention of Remus possibly having undiagnosed bipolar disorder

update: i think its important to acknowledge roughly where this takes place in the big timeline bc D doesn’t really drink past freshman yr in this AU because of self preservation and trauma, alcoholism was more an issue before then in high school (when remus and d were Rowdy Boys) but the stress of Logan’s concussion lead to some heavy drinking that was caught quickly by Virgil because Remus Cannot Keep Secrets.

summary: Remus has undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder and is dealing with a severe depressive episode in the aftermath of realizing that binge drinking with D wasn’t just his own search to Feel Something, but was also D’s relapse into alcoholism. Remus comes to the realization of lost time during manic episodes and refuses help.

tw: graphic descriptions of a depressive episode, self harm (burning),  suicidal thoughts, and suicidal intent (but not attempt). unhealthy coping mechanisms, alcohol abuse, mentioned alcoholism, undiagnosed mental illness, miscommunications on shared trauma, ask to tag if i missed any.

There are a number of places that are simply uncomfortable to sleep. Barely sitting up and using the chairs provided by the previous tenants as a pillow is certainly one of them. It takes Remus a moment to identify what woke him up as there's another round of knocking on his door and he doesn’t want to respond. It’s bright out,the sun is blocked from his figure by the curtains covering most of the windows. He hears Roman’s muffled voice as the locked doorknob jiggles, “See? I told you he’s not here, Virge. There’s nothing to be worried about, if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow I’ll go look for him. You know how he is”.

Their footsteps move away and Virgil speaks, “Can you text him? I’m just worried, Thomas said that-” his voice fades as they enter the kitchen.

Remus can barely pick himself off the floor before his phone lit up with a notification.

the shittier twin: You good? LMK when you’re coming home, Virgil is lowkey freaking out  (received: 10:14)

He stares at the words willing his brain to focus as he decides, maybe he should reply.

He sends a photo of a fat pigeon he took outside a club him and D got kicked out of a few weeks ago. It would be clear that the picture was taken at a different time, but does get message of ‘I’m alive’ across. Which is about as much as Remus is willing to communicate to people that haven’t even tried to contact him before now. How sad is it that his twin brother didn’t even check on him until six days later. Or maybe he should be asking if it’s sad that after four days Roman still hasn’t noticed that he’s home, or that it took Roman six to even ask? Remus spends all this time in the theatre and in the arts studio, and still Roman was the only one to ask, though at the request of someone who wants to get mad at him. He considers if maybe that he is a bad person, and that isn’t something he normally would care about, but if he weren’t then people might have checked on him. He usually hangs out with D almost everyday and he swears he’s never been gone more than maybe four days. But no one else seems concerned at all.

He considers reasons why this might be and gets stuck on Roman’s comment that he hasn’t been gone that long, and the implications then of him being gone longer. Things that don’t really make sense, but he knows losing your train of thought and getting distracted is a part of ADHD, but maybe, this is much more concerning. How does he know that he’s only ever been gone so long, maybe those lapses are more than a few minutes of zoning out. Which leads to, does Remus know who he is during these lapses? The contrast between the two prince twins have always been clear in their behaviour, Roman who follows every word their parents whisper in his ear. The boy grew up to be an actor after years of who takes any command without thought at that chance to be on top, and revelled in praise. It’s the cowards way of survival, are you really living if you’re not you? He knows Roman wasn’t quite loving that, but he still complied. Remus has always known exactly who he is and who he always will be. But the uncertainty of who he is in those spaces that seem to be taking up more and more space, maybe he;s been following someones script too?

He’s constantly changing his mind and forgetting where he is, are his feelings his? If everything the thought he knew about himself is slipping through his fingers like sand in an hourglass than how does he make it stop?

—

Virgil slides into the recently empty chair next to Roman the second Patton gets up to ask the waitress for another round of coffee, he steals one of Roman’s sausages and speaks, “By the way, I’m catching a ride to your place with you and D”.

Roman squawks at the sausage thief, “Why? I already told you Remus isn’t home!”

Virgil rolls his eyes, “Yeah I know, just humour me. I went to talk to Joan before we left and Thomas said Remus texted to apologize for missing practice, he’s never done that before! I just wanna come check, you can make fun of me later or whatever.”

“Fine, whatever, I know you’d just show up anyway. I don’t think him texting Thomas means anything though, even if it is weird.”

“Well we can agree to disagree then.”

—

The entry to the apartment the Prince twins share with D was just as full of banter as expected. D and Roman irritating Virgil without effort but Virgil matching that with his own comebacks and determination to check on Remus. “Alright, Emo Knightmare, let’s go knock on his cave door so I can know you again, that he isn’t home” Roman drops his bag next to the couch and heads down the shared hallway of D, Remus, and the storage closet. D walks past him with comments of a essay due tomorrow and disappears. Roman walks down and knocks on the door sternly once maintaining eye contact with Virgil knowing there will not be a response. Virgil follows him and he knocks again after a moment and jiggles the knocked door handle. “See? I told you he’s not here, Virge. There’s nothing to be worried about, if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow I’ll go look for him. You know how he is.” Roman turns and leads them back out into the living room towards the kitchen.

Virgil pauses for a moment watching the door before he follows, “Can you text him? I’m just worried, Thomas said that he actually texted to apologize for not showing up today. You know when Remus is out he never remembers to charge his phone, it just seems weird.”

Roman exhales and wordlessly pulls out his phone shooting off a text to his twin before pulling some leftovers out of the fridge to offer to Virgil despite the fact they had eaten not long ago. Virgil accepts and he puts it on two plates for the microwave. Roman’s phone vibrates on the counter with a text. The emo leans over to read and snorts, “Wait, is Remus’s name actually ‘the shittier twin’ in your phone? He just send a picture of  what appears to be an obese pigeon, that doesn’t answer my question at all!”

Roman shrugs, “Of course it is, and yeah that sounds about right, it’s like he’s trying to communicate through hieroglyphics, he’s just telling us he’s fine.”

Virgil’s dark eyes examine Roman’s face for any reflection that he’s just trying to make him stop bothering him with his concern, but when he sees nothing he drops his defensiveness, “Yeah, okay, he’s your brother, he’s kind of like a cat I guess. He always comes home right?”

The microwave beeps and Roman slides the extra plate in front of Virgil, “Exactly, he’s just like this, I’ll text you when he comes back. You don’t need to worry about it, Virge.”

Virgil shoots him a small smile before taking his plate to the couch closely followed by the oldest Prince twin as they settle down with Netflix until they need to leave for their respective classes.

—

Roman blearily wipes his eyes as he wakes up in his dark room and rolls over to check the time. 2:34am wake up and bathroom break time. He briefly considers just rolling over and waiting four or five hours until he needs to get up for class, but decides there’s just a higher chance of getting a restless sleep the rest of the night. The hockey captain rolls out of bed standing in his room shirtless and only wearing a random pair of soft sleep pants and stumbles out of his room, crossing the living room and entry way he’s about to try the handle of the dark bathroom door when it opens to reveal a tall dark figure.

Roman jumps back with an admittedly embarrassing squawk before recognizing the dark figure to be a freshly showered, exhausted, and almost weak looking Remus. The two stood in silence for a moment, Remus not even reacting to the sight of his brother. Roman awkwardly laughed for a moment, “Holy shit, Remus! I didn't even realize you were home.”

Remus stares emptily, moving to walk away without replying, Roman stops him with a hand on his shoulder, “Are you like, uh, okay? You kind of look like shit”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say as suddenly Remus’s face hardens into a snarl, “Oh fuck you, Roman.” His voice cracks halfway through but it doesn’t do anything to diminish the venom in his voice, “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Christ! If you’re going to be an asshole then nevermind, I just wanted to check up on you. You know, like a concerned brother just might do?” Roman fires back suddenly feeling defensive. The tone of voice Remus uses almost sounds scared to him but he doesn’t have the energy to pry at Remus in the hallway less than 6 feet from D’s door at 2:30am.

“You don’t get to play any kind of concerned brother role right now! You don’t just get to decide to be concerned one day, it’s all about appearances with you, I dont fuck with that!” Remus’s voice raises as he gets more and more riled up, his voice sounds like shit as if he hasn’t used it in days, “Tell me when you think I got home, Princey, huh? You don't know shit about me and it’s time you stopped asking like you do.” He steps towards Roman edging back down the hallway to the living room.

“Why am I supposed to know when you got home?” Roman fires back, “You’re an adult! You’ve taken care of yourself fine for years, I’m not your parent I don’t need to know where you are twenty-four-fucking-seven!”

Vaguely, Roman hears D’s bedroom door open and feels brief regret that was smashed by Remus shoving him backwards. “You don’t need to know! But, did you ever think to wonder? Did you ever once care enough to ask? No! I don’t remember ever being gone more than three or four days.”

Roman recoils for a second in confusion but counters standing his ground, “What does that fucking mean? You own a calendar, a phone, you should know your average in the last year has been like five to seven days, you can’t blame me that you decide to go on a bender every 6 months or less. Can’t you ever grow up?”

“It means I don’t know where I was for two to four of those days at least! You self absorbed prick! Fuck!” Remus crumples for a second, his facial expression looks so, lost. He violently grabs and tugs on his still damp hair. He stands back up face guarded once again. “I know I never go out without a plan, I have paid some fucking terrible prices for that that you never need to know about. But, you’re telling me that I was out there and I don’t remember it? And no one thought to mention anything to me? And you’re asking if I’m ‘okay’? Fuck that, fuck you. I’m going back to my room, and ideally I’ll fucking rot and die before I have to look at you again,” Remus seethes before turning and slamming his door without waiting for a response.

Roman sags at his brothers exiting remarks, making tentative eye contact with D who waits in the dark hallway. “I don’t know what to do,” Roman says quietly.

D moves towards him moving them to the couch offering a comforting touch to the remaining twin, “Roman, I cannot tell you that I have any idea about what just happened. But, it seems like he just wants you to be there for him, in his own weird displays of affection he does love you and I think maybe he’s scared sometimes that you don’t care for him, and he lashes out. But right now, you need to go back to sleep so you can go to your boring nine am lecture, and I’ll try to spend time with him tomorrow. Sound good?”

Roman examines D, letting himself feel vulnerable for a moment but trusts that D knows what to do. He’s known the twins since high school, if anyone knew it would be him. “Thank you, D” Roman whispers, leaning into the little affection for a moment before he stands up and moves them back down the hallway.

Roman goes to the bathroom as originally planned but thinks about the things his younger brother had said. How much is he missing? What does it mean for Remus to simply not remember days at a time? Is it because of drinking too much or something else?

As Roman tucks himself back into bed, preparing himself for the restless sleep he had been trying to avoid. His mind wanders, and he can’t help but think that maybe he should be questioning blood stains on Remus’s carpet a little more.

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Truth…I don’t like this and I’m seriously thinking that I may need a different approach to things. I always told you that you are the best part of my day and I always felt that one of the best things we had going for ourselves was our ability to communicate openly and honestly. It feels so good to hear from you even though it’s so far and few in between. It makes me feel like I have to take advantage of those moments somehow because they are so fleeting and I don’t know when I’ll get those chances or opportunities with you. Your sporadic communication is so precious and valuable to me but I feel like when I hurt you or things get lost due to misunderstandings, I feel like I’m wasting what few opportunities I have. It’s bad enough I can barely connect with you so I have to make the most of it and it makes me feel like shyt when it feels like I’m wasting my chances with you and the time I can use to communicate with you when I make you sad, I hurt you, or I put myself through hell trying to explain myself even though I don’t think I did something wrong but you point out I did. I try to apologize and explain myself but I can’t reach out to you or know if what I’m saying is getting to you or making any sense. I felt like shyt my entire trip. I felt I was not going to make it on my flight out of Vegas and all I could think about was I left things with you that way. The last thing you will have/know of me is you thinking I don’t appreciate you and your words/actions. You feeling like you did something wrong when you didn’t. And me, thinking and feeling that I did something wrong. That I hurt you. That that would be my last convo with you. Feeling and thinking that I hurt you. That I did wrong by you. That I made you sad. And my last thoughts that all I ever did was try to love you the best I could and the last thing you will have of me is you thinking I made fun of you or something or you thinking that you are better off not talking to me. That hurt so bad. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to try and make peace with myself that that was my last convos and your impressions of me. I didn’t like it and I don’t want to have to do it again.

I know that we both love each other so I don’t know why we would think otherwise. I say random stuff because that’s just the way I talk but you should know that there is no malicious intent behind my words and actions towards you but when I say certain things and you come out of it as if they are fighting words or hurtful words, it hurts me as well because I don’t intend to hurt you. And that’s why this makes me sad. It makes me feel like we are losing one of things that I know makes us so good. Our communication. We maybe broke down like 5%, of that when we were together and got our lines mixed up and we were able to solve it within minutes. Now, it seems like we misfire 25% of the time and I honestly feel that is way too much for you and me. That’s just unacceptable to me because I know we are better than that. This isn’t the way we communicate. We are so much better than this so depresses me and frustrates me that we come away from these miscommunications thinking and feeling the way we do and we can’t even resolve it quickly. We let each other think about the worst of the other and of ourselves we. You and I don’t do that to each other. We both love and respect each other to much to do that. I know that we both know how much the other person means to us but I don’t know why we would feel that the other person would ever think any less them or their words in any way. I feel like we are causing ourselves unnecessary grief between us when that shouldn’t be the case. I feel it’s worse for me because I only get you for these brief moments of interaction and communication. I’m trying my best to be the person that you love and will choose to be with. Every time something like this happens, all I can think of is that I’ve wasted my chance and given you every reason to stay where you are make you say, “he has hurt me. Why does he hurt me. Why is he making me feel this way. Does he not know that I love him. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe I am better off without him. Maybe I should stop trying. This is my life anyways. I may as well accept this is what it is and just try to make the best of it.” This is what goes through my mind every time we have our miscommunications. Like I just have you every and the final reason as to why you should stay where you are and never leave. I’m not so sure how rational or logical it is but it’s a truth that I have no reason to believe otherwise.

For those reasons, I’m thinking that I may need to change things. That plane ride and what was going through my mind and heart was killing me. It made me think of all the other items we had miscommunications through here. How we hurt each other unintentionally but how real the pain was in that moment when we would question our words and thoughts about each other. I’ve always known what I feel about you in my mind and in my heart when I’m with you and we are “right there” in every aspect of our relationship. I’ve never hurt you so much as I have within this span of time compared to the other part of our life. I’ve also never made myself go through so much worry and self doubt when it comes to how I feel about you and us. That’s what I don’t like about this. I’m tired of making you sad. I hate hurting you and making you feel insecure of your genuine thoughts and feelings for me. You know I feel the same way about you and I hate when I make you doubt my feelings towards you. I know you still say I’m too much for you but that doesn’t make me love or want you any less. Yes, if you were standing in front of me and told me not to say I love you, I wouldn’t say it, but you’d know just by looking at me that I could convey that sentiment stronger than any one who would or ever will say it to you.

I just need you to know that this is what has been going on in my mind and and heart since that plane ride and every moment after that I don’t hear from you. It’s like I have to learn to make peace with hurting you and figuring out how to not do that again. I don’t know how but I need to figure out a way because I don’t want to have to deal with my mortality with you questioning how I feel for you or what your words and sentiments mean to me. I don’t want that pain for either of us.

[willag42]

Yuri!!! On Ice Fanfic Recs with Reviews  ["J” Authors]

Note: Doing some major reformating of the YOI fanfic rec pages. The pages that include my reviews are now having the posts separated alphabetically by author (see below). I am also creating separate page(s) that allow filtering the fanfics by category. It's a work in progress, but I'm having fun with it.

This page includes my YOI fanfic recs (with reviews) for authors whose names begin with "J".

Note: For any authors whom I don't know the gender, I refer to them with they/them. If any authors wish to correct me, please do so.

AUTHORS REC PAGES: #0-9 -- A -- B -- C -- D -- E -- F -- G -- H -- I -- J -- K -- L -- M -- N -- O -- P -- Q -- R -- S -- T -- U -- V -- W -- X -- Y -- Z

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Refer to this masterlist for all of my YOI fanfic recs.

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Jenrose (@jenroses)

Jenrose is really passionate about LGBTQIA politics, diplomacy, and real-world issues, which is apparent in their writing. It's really refreshing and interesting to read stories focused on these details. Something else really refreshing is their writing style, which is spartan yet adequately descriptive and to the point. It forces the readers to use their imagination more.

Translations on Ice (Series, 10 works)

Lost in Translations Rating: Explicit -- Words: 10.3k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Victor Nikiforov was the best jumper in the world, well-used to leaping blind and landing clean in ways no one could match. Falling was for other people. Stumbling was not acceptable. It had been a long time since the wind had been knocked out of him so thoroughly. (The start of "what comes after" the canon series.)

Translations Over Distance Rating: Gen -- Words: 10.9k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Yuuri really wants to surprise Victor for his birthday, but there's a bit of a scheduling issue.

Translations: Initiations Rating: Explicit -- Words: 8.2k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Someone REALLY wanted Yuuri back in Japan after the gala performance at the Russian Nationals.

Translations: Elongations Rating: Explicit -- Words: 36.6k -- Status: WIP -- Summary: Yuuri and Victor come back to Japan to a flurry of media and sponsorship offers, in time for the Japan on Ice exhibition.

Translations: Terminations and Transitions Rating: Explicit -- Words: 54.0k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Moving is always a little strange. Moving to a possibly hostile country while training hard and preparing for a wedding in less than three weeks? Might not be the best idea they've ever had, but it's better than the alternatives.

Transition: Puberty Rating: Teen -- Words: 15.5k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Yuri Plisetsky hits puberty. Puberty hits back.

Transition: The Leap Rating: Teen -- Words: 41.9k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Our crew goes to Ostrava for the European Championships. Nothing quite goes as planned.

Transitions: Landings Rating: Mature -- Words: 10.4k -- Status: Ongoing -- Summary: After the European Championships, the whole crew returns to Japan to prepare for 4CC and for Yuri to have surgery.

Transition: Coming Out Rating: Gen -- Words: 6.0k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: It's January of 2018, our crew is in New York for publicity, and the Olympic team list for Russia just came out. Victor's name isn't on it, despite a decisive win at Russian Nationals. If there's anything that pisses Yuri Plisetsky off more than losing, it's not having a chance to beat his rivals on the ice. And if there's anything worse than his mentor retiring, it's his mentor being snubbed by the Russian Figure Skating Federation. He's spent too much time fighting to get back on his feet to take this lying down.

Transition: Questioning Rating: Explicit -- Words: 21.1k -- Status: Complete -- Summary: Mila has been struggling with the move to Hasetsu. Sara has been struggling with her brother. Things come to a head after 2018 Worlds. ❤❤❤❤❤  Words: 204.3k Status: Work In Progress Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: (Mostly) Canon compliant; Except homophobia exists; Post season 1; LGBTQ+ advocacy ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: The series focuses a lot on Yuuri and Victor navigating their relationship within the current political climate in regards to homosexuality. Situations dealt with include performing their pairs exhibition skate at the Russian Nationals, the resulting storm that follows, the many sponsorship deals that follows as a result (for pro-homosexuality despite that not being their intent), figuring out where and when to get married considering their skating season and the political climate, and figuring out where they can live without having to deal with violence but still be able to effectively train. It’s a really, really well-done series, and I’m so happy to see these topics get handled. There’s an appropriate amount of sappiness, romance, and sex between Yuuri and Victor as well, and lots of love and support from their friends, family, and coaches. My personal favorite stories would probably have to be: Translations Over Distance, which deals with Yuuri trying to surprise Victor for his birthday at Nationals; Translations: Initiations, which has a lot of sweet romantic lovemaking on a plane for Victor’s birthday; and, Translations: Terminations and Transitions, which deals with Victor and Yuuri moving to Russia, planning for a wedding, getting married, and then determining if Russia is still the place they want to live. You are greatly missing out if you haven’t read this series, so go do so!

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jinlian (@jinlian)

jinlian has written several Victuuri oneshots, all filled with sweet, warm devotion. They tease each other, they cook early morning breakfasts for each other, they discuss tattoos, they work through miscommunication issues with open honesty. My favorite fic of hers, take me higher, is the angstiest it gets, with some sad Victor backstory and miscommunication hurdles that get worked through, and by the end they're closer for it. If you need a little pick-me-up, definitely check out her fics.

take me higher

Rating: Teen Words: 13.8k Status: Complete Relationship: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov Tags: Canon compliant; Post-season 1; Victor backstory ❤❤❤❤❤  Summary: Victor stares at Yuuri. He wonders if he looks as confused as he feels; and he already looks at least a bit of a mess with his hair mussed from how he’d carefully styled it, his costume twisted and his jacket unzipped. Yuuri stares back. They’re both trying to find something in each other’s faces, searching and asking without words until one of them provides the answer. “What,” Victor finally demands, “does winning have to do with our getting married?” ❤❤❤❤❤  Review: "We’ll get married after he wins gold." What if Victor's intention behind the phrase was different than Yuuri's interpretation? I really appreciate jinlian's more melancholic, less idealistic interpretation of what occurred at the end of the series. Her Victor is continuing to skate only due of Yuuri's request - he's tired and ready to move on to the next transition in his life (coaching and marriage). There is a carry-over of miscommunication from the series between Vcitor and Yuuri that they eventually resolve. The scenes between the two of them when they finally clear the air are really beautiful and heartwarming in their honesty and affection. I love stories that have moments when the two have open heart-to-hearts, and this story delivers some of the best. I also really appreciate her writing a Victor who's ready to move on to the next chapter of his life. The sudden desire to return to competitive skating felt a little out of left field during the last two episodes of the anime, opposite of what felt like episodes 1-10 were building up to (Victor gaining purpose and inspiration through coaching Yuuri and having his life and love revolve around that). I don't think it's an unrealistic way to take his character arc, but the rest of the series did a poor job of foreshadowing that outcome - enough that it makes me question whether Victor actually wants to return to the ice or if he's just doing it for Yuuri. This story goes with that interpretation. Overall, a really heartfelt fix-the-miscommunication fic.

[grahamfinch1990]

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[showingthroughtome]

spit fire - chapter fifteen

all the things we thought we was losing

“Aw, he’s not coming in? I haven’t had a good Harry roast in a while.” Bethlyn asks when she exits the bathroom and sees Noa but no Harry, referring to all the times Noa had him over and she would make fun of him for something stupid. It was one of the best things about Bethlyn - the way she got Harry questioning himself with a few quick quips.

Noa felt a pang at that, then flipped over so she was facing the wall.

“No. He’s not coming in.”

read on 1dff - or below - story page

Practice gets harder after that. Well, a lot of things do actually, but practice in particular.

Every time her eyes land on Nina, Noa can’t help but imagine her and Harry together. She sees her fingers wrapped in those long curls of his and Harry’s hands running up her thigh - they’re both out of breath and panting. It’s been a week of these nonstop spiraling thoughts for Noa - kind of the same way her mind got when her mom wasn’t answering her calls. Although, after her last desperate call to her mom, Sarah called her the next morning, leaving her a slurring voicemail and assuring Noa that all that trying Harry suggested she could be doing was in fact nonexistent.

But anyway, practice is hell for Noa. She actually has to stand there and direct Nina while pretending her heart doesn’t sink at the sight of her. Noa thinks she does a good job not letting it show. Because not only does she experience moments of disgust and sadness when thinking of Harry and Nina making out in the library, but she also gets these undeniable surges of anger but doesn’t once act on them.

Anger at Nina and Harry and mostly herself.

She thinks that maybe if she would’ve told Harry how much she liked him then maybe he wouldn’t have kissed Nina. But then, maybe if Harry would’ve just been able to see that she gave him more of herself than she ever intended then he wouldn’t have kissed Nina. And then, maybe if Nina could’ve respected the fact that Noa was basically with Harry then she wouldn’t have let him kiss her. Or definitely wouldn’t have bragged about it in front of her in anatomy lab for fucks sake.

Noa, regardless of how much she fucking likes or dislikes anyone on the team, wouldn’t have kissed anyone she knew the girls were even remotely linked to.

That’s why, after holding her tongue for days and days and days, she breaks. She doesn’t mean to, but she does.

“Fuck? Nina!” Noa slams her hand down on the pause button of the CD player, stopping the music and displacing it enough to have it teetering on the edge of the bleacher. “Is it really that damn hard to remember the high kick after the toe touch? Really?”

“I lost count. Let’s go again.” Nina wipes a hand over her forehead and nods her head, not yet understanding how pissed Noa is.

“You lost count? Really? Seriously? How the fuck do you lose count enough to do a high kick while everyone else is doing a toe touch that you have not even done yet?” Noa punches every word out of her mouth with rage and fire. She can feel herself going too far, she can see that everyone’s gaze shifts up to her - all of a sudden, way more intrigued in her than the ground they usually stared at during breaks so they could catch their breath.

Nina’s jaw drops as she looks around the room, probably trying to confirm that everyone else can see Noa pacing with anger.

“It’s like you can’t do anything right anymore, Nina. What do I have to do to make sure you can do the routine in the right sequence? Draw it out step by step for you?” Her voice isn’t quieting down but getting louder. The hair on her neck is sticking out and red is all she sees.

“Excuse the hell out of me, Madame captain. Chill out.” Nina instructs, taking a step forward from her spot between Cara and Erin. “No need to have a bitch fit.”

At the same time, Farrah and Molly take two steps forward, knowing exactly where the root of this is really coming from. They both suggested multiple schemes to have Nina kicked off the team and out of school, insisting what she did was ‘next level betrayal type shit’.

Noa is shaking with everything she feels, her hands trembling and her heart racing. So many things pop into her head that she wants to say, and a million more actions suggest themselves to her. But then, out of nowhere, she feels her eyes sting - no tears forming but definitely threatening.

“Yeah.” Noa throws her head back and closes her eyes, breathing in deep and resetting herself right then - having no other way out of this situation, not really. “Let’s call it quits for the day. Good practice you guys.”

Just like that, she’s turning to the CD player, preparing it to go back in the storage closet.

No one else makes a move.

“What? We still have like 40 minutes of practice left.” Erin speaks up for everyone.

“Not today.” Noa doesn’t even look at them as she grabs her gym bag and makes her way to the closet. By the time she’s back out of it, only Molly and Farrah are left on the court.

“Noa,” Molly starts with a gentle smile. “Wanna go get something to eat with us?”

Noa continues her path to the door, having only one end goal in mind, or the only attainable one - her own bed and not some basketball players. “Nah. I’m good. Going to go have a smoke and write some of my English paper.”

She could smoke a quick bowl on her way and then write the paper while underneath her thick, warm duvet.

“You sure?” Farrah calls out as Noa reaches the doors.

“Yup. Positive. Thanks though!” She fakes a big smile over her shoulder and then adds, “See you tomorrow.”

—

The paper Noa decides to work on that day isn’t due for a couple of days so it doesn’t really matter that she is high as fuck as she tries to type some of it. It’s always been one of her favorite things to do - work on boring ass assignments while high and see the nonsense that comes out. Normally, it works out in her favor, leaving her with a sliver of a backbone to build off of.

This time, it’s not working so much. Which is a perfect example why she really doesn’t love to smoke weed when she is upset. Weed usually just heightens her mood, makes her feel good and fun and carefree. When she’s sad and smoking weed, she’s still carefree but she can sense the horrible feeling in the back of her mind and it just makes her think of that rather than the paper, ruining her high completely.

She’s staring at the white of her word document and thinking of what Harry is doing right at that moment.

It isn’t as if things have totally stopped between the two of them for the last nine days. Harry still texts her and she still replies. They talk to each other a little in class and have even had sex once in the back seat of his car late one night. But everything has just become… stilted. Harry looks at her with apologetic eyes but she can’t find it in herself to see the truth in them. She can’t manage to speak up the words neither of them ever said to each other nor can she find the reason why it feels like it’s all on her.

Now, they’re just two people who had something great that was tainted by miscommunication or distrust or fucking insecurity.

Harry texted her after his practice, asking if he could come over. Noa didn’t even respond. She’ll do that in a couple of hours, claiming to have been busy with the paper she isn’t even starting on. Until then, she slides the laptop from her lap onto her bed and opens up Netflix, finding an Adam Sandler movie to distract her from those spiraling thoughts.

—

Bethlyn comes in at 9:01, waking Noa with her computer still open in front of her, the screen now turned black. Barely being able to even remove the sleep from her eyes, there is a knock at the door.

If she had enough time, Noa still wouldn’t have thought to tell Bethlyn not to answer it. The room is lit up by more than just her desk lamp when the hall light shines in, the shadow of Harry casting over Noa’s side of the room.

“Hi. ‘S Noa awake?” He questions, peering in and around Bethlyn.

And Bethlyn, bless her damn heart, isn’t aware of all the blurry shit that’s gone down between them so she doesn’t know not to walk over and shake Noa’s shoulder. “Hey, Harry’s here.”

“Okay.” Noa sits up and swings her legs off the bed, sliding on her worn slippers and zipping up her hoodie to cover her lack of bra. “Hey.” She greets him as she closes the door behind her, giving them some privacy.

“Hey.” Examining her face, he bites his bottom lip, looking a bit off. “Would you maybe want to go get some dinner with me?”

“Umm,” Noa doesn’t want to get dinner with him. She can’t even look at him just like she can’t look at Nina without seeing things she is probably making ten times worse in her head. “I’m really tired right now, Harry.”

He nods his head up and down a few times before he sighs and bows it - like he’s deflating minutely. “You’ve been tired every night for the last week or so.”

“Rough time in my semester.” She shrugs and moves her hand for the doorknob, but waits to turn it for some reason. Maybe because when Harry shifts his green eyes back to her, they’re duller than normal. His lips are chapped red and bitten and she wonders for a second why he hadn’t thought to put any chapstick on when it’s this cold out.

Moving a hand to push his hair out of his face, Harry asks hopefully, “I’ll see you at the game tomorrow though?”

Of course. Where else would the captain of the cheerleading team be on game day? She wants to say (among various other things) but can’t with him staring at her like that - fragile and hurt even though he is the one who kissed someone else.

“Yeah, Harry. I’ll be there.” She turns the knob and pushes it open. “Bye.” Taking a step backwards, she watches him do the same.

“Bye, Noa.” He smiles at her name, charming and warm and awful. Awful because it almost makes her want to do the same as she crawls back into bed.

“Aw, he’s not coming in? I haven’t had a good Harry roast in a while.” Bethlyn asks when she exits the bathroom and sees Noa but no Harry, referring to all the times Noa had him over and she would make fun of him for something stupid. It was one of the best things about Bethlyn - the way she got Harry questioning himself with a few quick quips.

Noa felt a pang at that, then flipped over so she was facing the wall.

“No. He’s not coming in.”

—

As to be expected, Harry plays amazingly the next day and The Wolves win the game.

Noa rolls her eyes more times than she can count, anger returning when she has to watch him do so well for a second week in a row when she feels all muddled inside.

Molly and Farrah decide not to rush the court with the rest of team once they see Noa walking off to the locker room alone. Instead, they spend fifteen minutes talking her into going to the Sigma Kappa house before Noa realizes that she is denying a party because of some boy and agrees wholeheartedly.

—

“Noa!” Niall comes up to her, drunk as can be with beer in the red cup hanging out of his hand and a smile from ear to ear. “Didn’t know you were here.”

“I’ve been over here the whole time.” She motions to the couch Zayn and Molly are making out on. She recently just stood from it and began swaying to the dumb pop song playing, giving them some more space. “You seen Farrah?”

“Louis.”

“Of course.”

Niall grabs her wrist and tilts the red cup in her hand. “What? No drinking?”

“High.” Noa lifts the cup to her mouth and swallows the last bit of water left in it, then drops it on the table to her left. “How have you been?”

“Good. Classes are fine, thinking of dropping out though.” Niall shrugs like it’s not a big deal, laughing at Noa as shock surely covers her every feature.

“What the fuck? No! If you drop out, we’ll all drop out. It’ll be anarchy.”

Noa laughs at her own joke as does Niall - probably because of just how hilarious he finds the reference.

He gives her shoulder a playful punch, shaking his head, “No way, Noa. You’ll get that Dance degree and amaze us all.”

“Oh yeah?” Noa doesn’t believe that so much, mainly because she still doesn’t know exactly what she wants to do with the degree - cheerleading or actually dance? “What will I be doing, huh?”

Niall might have a good answer for her though. Maybe right now, as she is high and he is drunk, she’ll figure it out with one answer from him.

“Whatever the hell ya want, babe!”

Or maybe not. Noa’s shoulder slump and the hopes she grew in the last two seconds die.

“You’re no help, Niall.”

“Sorry!” He exclaims with wide eyes and then remembers something. “Oh! I talked to that girl!”

“What?” She grabs both of his shoulders and shakes him with enthusiasm. “How’d it go?”

“She’s in love with me. Gonna have my babies probably.”

“Oh okay. Get it, man.” Noa drops her hands only to lift one into a high five.

Niall graciously accepts, then, “Seriously though, we had a date last week and have another one tomorrow.”

Noa smiles genuinely for him and almost feels like a proud mom, remembering the party when he wouldn’t shut up about her - the one where Harry threw a fit because Molly told the guys he never went down on Noa before then, not that she is thinking of that.

“I’m so happy for you!” She gives Niall a big hug that kind of startles them both. She has never really been a hugger but for some odd reason, right now, it felt like the thing to do. And Niall doesn’t seem to mind it, returning with warm arms.

“Hey guys.” A voice approaches them, almost like the owner of it heard his name dart through Noa’s mind and had to come running over.

She slowly let’s go of Niall and turns to find Harry standing beside them. He’s dressed in raggedy blue jeans with holes in the knee and a white t shirt covered in a red hoodie. Nothing nearly as warm as her wool leggings and an oversized sweater she found at the Goodwill - though frumpy, still incredibly cute if she does say so herself.

“Hazza!” Niall beams like he is prone to do. “Thought you weren’t coming tonight?”

“Ah, you know I can never resist you guys.” Harry swooped an arm around his good friend and ruffled the blonde’s hair. “Is it okay if I talk to Noa though?”

“Please do. She hugged me. It was bizarre.” Niall chuckles and shakes his head, faking a shiver and nodding goodbye to them.

“You look cute.” Harry notes when they’re alone, stepping closer to her. And at least she can have one of her many thoughts confirmed by a voice other than the ones in her head.

“Thanks. I thought so.” She pulls the bottom seam of her sweater as far down as it’ll go, covering half of her thigh just for something to do other than look Harry in the eye.

Though, that doesn’t work for him today. He takes another step closer, moving his eyes into her line of vision. “You want to get out of here?”

He asks with too much hope - the hope of someone who has completely forgotten their disconnect. Or rather, he has the hope of someone who remembers the connection they used to have before the blur.

Noa remembers it too, it’s not like it could be so easily forgotten, but all the other stuff has just gotten too strong. All his anger about a phone call with Shawn and the kiss with Nina in the library was too much.

She pushes him back a bit, gently but certainly. “And go where?” She scoffs at the suggestion.

“I don’t know. Out of here.” The distance doesn’t deter him; he just sounds more urgent now.

“I’m having fun here.”

For the hour she has been here, she’s hardly stopped laughing. And she hasn’t talked to Liam once yet - even if she wanted to leave with Harry, she can’t before she says at least a hello to him.

“Come on. Let’s just go somewhere. Just you and me.” He pouts his bottom lip, blinking rapidly all cute and harmless. Then saying something he shouldn’t. “I miss you.”

Noa thinks she misheard him over the music until she realizes he isn’t moving at all, letting the words hang in the air between them.

“Oh really?” She raises her eyebrows.

“Yes. You know it’s true.” He slides a hand over her hip, holding her so she stays still as he gets closer.

“Harry.” Noa places a hand on his chest to keep some sort of distance. Because she doesn’t know it’s true. Or maybe somewhere in the back of her mind she does, but she isn’t sure what he misses about her.

“Noa. Come on. We’ll have so much more fun on our own. Come on.” He pleads again and holds out his other hand, offering it face up for her to take. “We can go back to my place.”

Noa wants to say no. She wants to be strong and go home on her own and not flake on herself at the first flash of emotion from him. If she could be as strong as she pretends to be, that would be really fucking great.

But apparently, Noa Cherry has no self-control. She takes his hand and follows him out, hoping that maybe Nina will stay a distant thought once she gets back to that apartment she misses so much.

—

They’re undressed within seconds of being in his place - Noa slightly more eager to just get on with it than him but he still pulled off her sweater in less than a second.

His hands are warm all over her as he guides them to the bed with her falling backward first. It gives her a moment to look at him like that - naked and wanting her - before he is once again too close to really see at all. And she has to take a mental picture of it because sure he’s wanted her before, quite frequently actually, but never like that. Never with eyes so hungry and raking her up and down over and over and over again.

He dives back to her, kissing her much slower than before - as if he’s had time to catch his breath and everything isn’t as urgent anymore. For what seems like almost too long, it’s like that. Just kissing and his hands resting on her - one wrapped around her side and the other finding her own.

“Noa.” He sighs over her mouth with his thick accent and languid tongue, sounding perfectly content to be on top of her in that very second.

“Hmm.” She’s too busy kissing him back to actually say anything of worth, not even his name. She simply slinks an arm around his back and pulls his lower half down so she can swirl her hips more easily - desperately trying to get as close to him as possible. So close she won’t even be able to distinguish between where her body stops and his begins.

Once she’s barely brushed her pelvis against his a few times, they pick up just a tad. Hands begin roaming instead of just sitting and lips star pressing to other places - his explore down her neck to her collarbone then over to her shoulder. A finger of his revels at the shiny silver barbells in her nipples but seem too hesitant, knowing the healing process isn’t complete yet. Just one touch has her preening with excitement though, and she gets a glimmer of anticipation for the future when they are healed.

Opening the space between her thighs, Noa pulls one leg around his torso then waits for him to fumble a condom on before she urges him in. As he fills her up, she bites her lip to keep from making the self-indulgent moan she’s suppressing.

It’s just the fact that he’s moving so lethargically is all. Every pump seems like a chore but a chore he can’t get enough of. A groan leaves his throat, making Noa feel like she needs to hold on tighter to keep from shaking with it.

She lifts her head off the pillow and begins peppering her lips on all the skin she can reach - his shoulder, neck, jawbone. If she had more will, she would be able to get to his lips. Instead, he reaches down for her and reconnects them at the mouth, all the while, never stopping the steady rhythm of their hips.

“Noa,” Harry whispers out of breath, moving back a centimeter at most and trying to make eye contact. “I’m so sorry.” He mutters with conviction.

The words sting nevertheless. He didn’t have to say them right then. He didn’t need to bring it up when they were like that - so vulnerable and bare. She turns her head and closes her eyes, too close to her climax to say anything coherent anyway. Biting on a finger as it washes over her, for the most part she holds in the whimper that’s begging to come out.

Harry places a few more pecks on her jaw before he moves off of her and onto his side of the bed, pulling the sheet over her body as he gets water for them both. As he comes back, he finds her on her side, facing the wall so he can’t see her scrunched eyes.

The sound of his rustling tells her he’s under the cover behind her but she doesn’t feel him. She feels his eyes on her skin where she’s letting her back sit exposed, but he doesn’t move a hand closer or try to get her to wrap around him.

And she’s thankful for it right then because it’s hitting her hard. After such a sweet time full of careful motions in a bed she’s grew so comfortable in, it hits her.

Harry kissed another girl. And maybe he is sorry and maybe he does miss her but he didn’t get her like she thought he did. She thought all that time they spent in this bed together and all the stories she shared would be good enough for him. She assumed Harry would just know that when she came to him with her mom issues or confided in him about her pre competition jitters or when she ate dinner with him every fucking night, he would just understand that he meant something to her.

How he ever thought everything she did give him added up to it being okay for him to kiss Nina, out of all people, Noa will never understand. All she feels lying next to the boy who completely stole her damn heart is total betrayal.

So she waits for him to fall asleep - his breath evening out and tiny snores escaping his lips - before she slips out of his bed and gets dressed. Putting on the bare minimum, she takes a look around the room, spots a flannel on his floor, and steals one of his good ones for the last time before she makes the cold walk back to her dorm.

[extremedivas]

What is around Harin Lee?

0. Harin Lee.

The Empress indicates creativity, self-expression and communication. Threes in a reading suggest the involvement of more than one person, and can also indicate that there will be a period of suspended activity before future successes. There is a focus on ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’. 

The Empress may describe a person in Harin life.  A mother, sister, role model or friend . She know that she's here to teach you something. The Empress knows that any "garden" can flourish when it's tended to with love. Her sister CL and her role model/friend is teaching her about the entertainment business with the pro or con. Harin may be exploring her own feminine instincts this week, Her sister CL may be taking a more supportive role in Harin personal relationships. Harin might also be exploring a different kind of fertility: such as giving birth to a creative project or a body of work.

1. The current situation.

The Lovers convey all that is human in the ways of love  -  the mysteries of relationships which embrace romance, innocence, courtship, commitment and marriage. This also includes all the confusion, miscommunication, trials and tribulations to do with human relationships.

Harin Lee may be in a hurry to connect with someone because of an uncanny attraction. Just be careful with this attraction because she might need to get her  head out of the clouds and see things clearly to make the right decision. Harin have an important choice to make. Harin need to be careful consideration any major decision should turn out positively. Consider everything carefully as the outcome will be vitally important. Harin will make firm decisions, then follow them through with conviction.

The World + The Lovers: A worldwide romance.

 I see Harin is dating a  Libra ,Gemini , maybe a Aries person.

I see the media (Netizenbuzz) trying to put a articles about her dating 

G Dragon. Which failed!

2. The challenge you are facing now.

The World reversed indicates a refusal to explore new avenues and this will not help you attain success. Stagnation has set in due to fear. 

Harin is resist change, so therefore, She is stuck in the present, unsatisfactory situation. Harin movement and growth have been slowed down to the point of being stopped because of her refusal to explore new horizons. Harin is  experiencing information "overload" which is creating confusion and indecision. She need to break free of her old vision and views about her lifestyle and explore a new lifestyle for her. Harin has distorted body image or issues with her weight may be an issue. Even her sister experiencing the same problem with body image as her.

The World + The Lovers: A worldwide romance.

I see Harin is dating a  Libra ,Gemini , maybe a Aries person.

I see the media (Netizenbuzz) trying to put a articles about her dating

G Dragon. Which failed!

3. Something from a distant past, cause for the situation.

The Judgment tells of wonderful things beginning to happen to Harin are to rely upon her own judgment. Now is the time to make all the changes her desire. Harin are being blessed with positive cosmic energies, so make the most of them at this time.

Harin must be sure you have told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as any attempts to lie or deceive will be uncovered.  It is a time for owning up and confessing if you have done wrong.  You will gain much respect for it and may be given another chance. There may be consequences or a price to pay but you will feel relieved of a heavy burden and your conscience, which has been calling to you, will be cleared.

4. The recent past that shaped the present situation.

The Nine of Swords reversed tells of a deep depression which is intense and persistent. It also implies that there may be some cause to suspect unfairness and cruelty from or by others. Outside assistance may be required.

I see Harin has depression because she is feeling guilty about something. This depression could effect her physical well-being and she should try to seek help for your condition. I see she is drinking a lot of alcohol to cope with her depression and loneliness. However, I see she trying to put her past behind her.

The Nine of swords + The Lovers: Harin worrying about her relationship with her sister and someone she is dating.

5. The Present.

The Four of Wands reversed is a warning that you may not be paying attention to the important people and issues in your life. It is asking you to be aware of your attitudes and behavior, and to change them accordingly.

There is a insecurity and instability in Harin life and especially on the home front.  Harin may be moving away from a place you know well or are being forced to sell up and go.  Harin has a strong sense of lack of community spirit in her situation right now. Harin may feel that she do not fit in around her environment/neighborhood or that her neighbors/people are terrible unfriendly toward her.  She may be finding it hard to settle anywhere or to find the right home.  Harin could have a pattern of moving home regularly because of her family background of moving to places to places.

The Lovers + Four of wands: A wedding on her or maybe her sister recently. I feel like she is going to get marriage or her sister is getting married maybe someone in her family is going to get married.

6. The Near Future.

The Ten of Swords can be a warning about someone who wants control over another for their own gain. They have be insecure within themselves and feel the need to possess or control another in an effort to appease the ego.

The Ten of Swords can also be associated with violence and aggression.  There may be the threat of physical attack or assault.  Injuries or worse could occur. Criminal activity may be involved.  When this Card appears it can be a warning that Harin do not take her personal safety seriously enough. She may be taking unnecessary risks or exposing herself to danger.  Walking home alone from a night out instead of getting a taxi is taking a risk, so to is getting separated from your friends on an outing or accepting a lift home from someone you have just met.

Harin may feel cursed or blighted by bad luck and misfortune. You may believe you have been singled out by the Universe for particularly harsh treatment and ask ‘why me?’, or ‘what have I done to deserve such bad luck?’ or ‘I must have been terribly bad in a previous life cause I’m definitely paying for it now’? Harin may feel that no matter which way you turn it’s blocked or whatever you attempt to do fails.  You may be throwing your hands up in the air and crying ‘ I give up, what’s the point in trying anything anymore?. I might as well give up and die’. A situation where someone who is born on  November 15th to the 21st stab you and your sister in the back by exposing you and your sister secrets. 

7. Harin Lee thoughts and feelings.

The Six of Swords reversed tells that you may decide to go away in order to get over difficulties and disappointments.  You will benefit from this and will return with a lighter heart. 

Harin could feel broken and destroyed and powerless to help herself.  Grief, bereavement and deep sadness engulf she leaving her drowning in depression and despair.  Harin may not be able to pull herself out of the depths she have sunk to. Harin health may also be suffering and chronic illness could be a constant plague. 

Harin is trying to distance herself from her problems and make a fresh start but she do not seem to be making any progress. Harin need to have a little more faith and belief.  Better times are coming if she can just hang on in there.

Professional help may be needed to bring Harin back to the surface so that she can breathe life into her body once more. 

8. Environment.

The Four of Cups reversed, indicates one who is emotionally introverted and unwilling to put in the required efforts needed to achieve their goals and aspirations. It indicates one who indulges in self-pity and negativity, and who expresses unhappiness, resentment and unrealistic expectations.

Harin surround herself with negative situations or people then she will eventually become negative too. Some of these ‘others’ may be friends you have had for years, a partner, family members or work-colleagues.  They just don’t want to work for you anymore and the more time goes on, the less you feel you have in common with them.  This situation often happens with groups of friends who spend their youthful years together, growing up on the party scene, hanging out in the same place each weekend.  Harin have been a willing part of this group too and have had she has a fair share of laughs and great times.  However, it invariably happens that on or two of the group mature at a faster rate than the others. Harin left as a outsider trying to find her way but lost in her journey to find her life destiny. That will leave her extremely depression and suicidal by listening to the wrong people. 

Four of cups  + Judgement : Poor advice. Listening to the wrong people. 

Harin need to leave her sister environment  or negative environment to found herself as a person who need love and respect. 

9. Your hopes and fears.

The Queen of Cups is creative, artistic, deep and imaginative.  We also know that she is intuitive, psychic and spiritual.

Harin knows intuitively when something is not right or when someone needs her help or comfort.  She is compassionate and non-judgmental regardless of the situation.  Harin  has a strong need to nurture and care for those around her.

Harin fear her sister CL and a Scorpio woman that something bad going to happen between them. Maybe a psychic woman expose her and her sister dirty secret.

10. The long term outcome.

The Five of Wands appearing in a reading tells of the staging of a conflict, and there is a connection to the ‘battle of life’ and the energies involved, and suggests that you need to sort things out and put all your worries to rest. The Five of Wands can typify on-going family arguments and conflict.  

This fire sign person is prone and known to pick fights and loves getting embroiled in arguments.  Not matter what this fire sign person opinion is their’s is always going to be the opposite and will be on the attack as soon as you open your mouth.  

There is a Sagittarius man and Leo man will cause drama toward Harin because a Aries man put here in a bad position. I do see on  July 22nd to the August 1st that a Aries man, Sagittarius man and Leo man gonna hurt you or your sister well-being. 

Harin  must not let herself be talked down to or belittled by this fire sign person. Someone may have it in for her so stand her ground and prepare to defend herself.  Harin must prove to be a worthy opponent to the fire sign person.

Five of wands + Nine of swords : Unhealthy peer pressure by the fire sign person group of their friends.

11. The after outcome.

The  Nine of Pentacles reversed  tells of false-bravado, mis-truths and dishonest dealings. Harin may be involved in an underhanded or deceitful venture in an effort to make financial gains. 

Harin is a very successful but gain comes from illegal dealings and unprofessional practices.  Harin making money out of the misery and suffering of others. Tax evasion, fraud and embezzlement are all associated with this when the Nine of Pentacles Reversed.

A message telling Harin not to become involved in gossip, rumor-mongering and spiteful behavior, as this may be turned back onto her. Harin are also encouraged to steer clear of other people’s woes and gossip, otherwise she may become embroiled in a very uncomfortable situation, that will be difficult to escape from. There is gossip by you or your sister is pregnant.

Where pregnancy is concerned, the Nine of Pentacles Reversed with the Empress can suggest a termination or miscarriage.  Then again, if Harin or someone she know is close to full term it can represent the actual birth, as in not been pregnant anymore.  However, Harin may have either left it too late to have children or chose a career over starting a family.

There is a model who is born on  September 8th to the 14th . This model cause Harin and her sister CL so much pain and betrayal between them. This going to happen on  September 2nd to the 13th.

[megamanishashekhawat-blog]

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You have the same situation like this?

Is your heart beats for someone, with whom you want to marry?

Are you a one sided lover?

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Is your family is not ready for an inter-caste marriage?

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